LUFKIN, TX (KTRE) - For the last 16 months, convicted murderer Joshua Ingram has called the Angelina County Detention Center home after what he maintains was a crime of passion.
According to evidence at the scene, Ingram's wife, Jennifer, had 19 bullet wounds after being shot in front of her child.
Ingram was be arrested several hours later at a video store.
To this day Ingram said he has tried to block out certain events of the night.
"I don't remember much of it," Ingram said in an interview at the Angelina County Jail Wednesday. "I mean 19 times? No, because the magazine did not hold that many rounds in it. I don't feel comfortable answering that question."
To Ingram the events of Feb. 5, 2015 were not reality but a dream.
"It didn't click to me that I did it for nearly a month," he said.
Ingram and his wife met at drug court and had a relationship described in the murder trial last week as toxic and unhealthy.
Despite that description, the two had a son, Kash.
"Do I think she was a good mom? No," Ingram said. "Do I think she had good qualities? Yes. Do I miss her and love her? Yes."
Ingram said it was his love for his infant son and an argument between him and Jennifer that lead to the fatal shooting.
"With the situations that arose that night, in a way I did not know what to do," Ingram said.
During the three-day murder trial, Ingram told the jury that he did not know why he killed Jennifer.
He said the same thing Wednesday, before implying her drug use as a reason.
"They took my family from me," he said. "Her addiction was so bad it caused me to kill her, you know? And put my son at jeopardy."
Now facing life in prison, Ingram faces the chance of only seeing his son through a visitation window.
"I can't change it," he said. "That is the hardest thing."
Spending his life in prison is something Ingram is still trying to understand. The thought of life in a concrete cell is hard to swallow.
"I guess once you see it on paper or hear it it is a little different," Ingram said. "It's just so real, you know? There is not really a way to prepare."
Ingram said almost two years after the killing he still regrets not walking away from a violent situation.
"The hardest part is knowing that your whole life is destroyed by something you did, knowing your son has to grow up without a mom or dad," Ingram said.
Ingram has already asked for an appeal. he believes evidence pertaining to CPS records and some toxicology reports were suppressed that could have helped his case. Ingram knows he shot Jennifer but is hoping an appeal could help prove it was a crime of passion.
"It did not surprise me," Ingram said. "I knew from the beginning the jury would give me life. Truly and honestly, it doesn't bother me. I can't bring her back. Things that happen don't get reversed so I'm just going to deal with the consequences now."
KTRE reached out to Jennifer's mother, Connie Conner. Conner released this statement:
Jennifer had overcome her past. We were very proud of her. She was a excellent mother to Kash the short time they were allowed. Josh Ingram is a horrible alcoholic whose personality changed into a monster whenever he drank alcohol. My daughter suffered with domestic violence right up to her death.