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Try shaking up convention with some innovative and non-traditional Valentines gift-giving ideas for your special someone -- even if that someone is yourself. More >> Try shaking up convention with some innovative and non-traditional Valentines gift-giving ideas for your special someone -- even if that someone is yourself. More >> Looking for the perfect way to say “I Love You?” Our gift guide will give you great ideas for the woman in your life. More >> Looking for the perfect way to say "I Love You"? Our gift guide will give you great ideas for the woman in your life. So browse today and find just what you’re looking for! More >> Stumped trying to think of the right gift for your guy? See our top 20 favorites.More >> Just browse our gift guide for men and we'll give you tons of ideas for the perfect gift to show him how much you care. More >> If figuring out what women want this Valentine's Day is tough, figuring out what men want may be even tougher. And remember: contrary to popular belief, Valentine's Day isn't only about the ladies.More >> If figuring out what women want this Valentine's Day is tough, figuring out what men want may be even tougher. And remember: contrary to popular belief, Valentine's Day isn't only about the ladies.More >> Some of the best gifts you can give on Valentine’s Day are the gifts of music, books and movies. More >> Whether you decide to watch a romantic comedy together or dine to the tunes of love, we’ll show you our top romantic picks. More >>
By Daisy Whitney
Valentine's Day can also be a good time to bury the hatchet with your sweetie and put any unresolved issues behind you. James Tamm, a mediator and former judge, has applied his workplace tips from his book "Radical Collaboration: Five Essential Skills to Overcome Defensiveness and Build Successful Relationships" to the bedroom. The key, Tamm says, is to focus on collaboration, even when arguing.
Here are his communications tips for lovers.
- Go first. This is not about who makes the first concession in an argument. It's about who makes the first effort to open up a dialogue.
- Pay attention to responses. Everything you and your mate say and do, as well as everything you don't say and do, sends a message.
- Forgive quickly. Be open and receptive to opportunities to cooperate and move on.
- Be firm and flexible. Be firm about getting your needs met, but be flexible when it comes to how you get them met.
- Always look for mutual gains. If one partner takes action that benefits the other partner, it sends a positive message about the value of a long-term relationship.
- Take advantage of complementary interests. If your interests aren't mutual, try to have your interests dovetail. For example, if a regular night out with your friends is nonnegotiable, schedule it on a night when your partner is also busy.
- Put as much energy into solving his/her problem as you do your own. It sounds like a no-brainer, but it's key to collaborating. Your partner will sense your caring and concern, and that goes a long way.
- Review your successes. Talk about ways you've found great solutions in the past.
