Dealing With the Loss of a Loved One, Are You Prepared? - | Lufkin and Nacogdoches, Texas

05/02/07 - Diboll

Dealing With the Loss of a Loved One, Are You Prepared?

by Jessica Cervantez

Haywood Quarles, a 73-year-old, lost his sweetheart less than two months ago.  They were married for 51 years. 

Martha suffered from a brain tumor back in November of 2004, they operated on it, and she was recovering well for a year and a half. But, it came back last April. One more operation, and then it came back just two months later. That is when the doctors gave him the devastating news... there's nothing more they could do.

The next step... Prepare.

Haywood said, "If you knew the time was coming this afternoon you wouldn't be prepared, it's just one of those things that you can't prepare for. We've been together for a long time."

But they were able to make certain preparations including a pre-arranged funeral, picking out a casket, a tombstone, and completing all the paperwork, including a will.  That is something that makes it easier for families.

Hospice helped the family with all of this, and more, including dealing with the grieving process. At first, nurses came out a couple of days a week to help out, but by December they were needed 24 hours a day. It was just too much for Haywood to handle.

"They tried to help us.  They could tell I was going down, working too much and not getting enough rest, so they kept telling me you need to do this, you need to do that, and they were a lot of help to me.  Because if they wouldn't have come and told me this, I probably would've been in the next bed right beside her all the time," Haywood said.

But, no matter how tired he was, Haywood had the pleasure of spending nine more months with his wife.

He said, "You never prepare for it, it can be ten years, but you're not ready for it.  You just live everyday to the fullest, just let God be the judge of it, when he's ready, we'll go home."

Not a day goes by that he doesn't think about his love Martha.

"She was a great family person, she took care of the two boys."

And even with all the hurt, he definitely keeps his sense of humor.  There is no doubt he miss her.

"Fifty-one-years is a long time to have somebody, but that' fine, she's in a better place.  And I'll see her again there's no question about that," Haywood said.

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