Woman survives thoughts of suicide after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder

Published: Sep. 28, 2016 at 9:06 PM CDT
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(Source: KTRE Staff)
(Source: KTRE Staff)

NACOGDOCHES, TX (KTRE) - Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death, and the rates are continuing to climb.

An East Texas woman, who could've been a part of that statistic, decided to get help after struggling with depression.

"Dying felt like the only option because I just wanted to disappear and quit," Sally Ellsworth said. "I really thought if I were dead I wouldn't hurt people anymore."

Ellsworth grew up having rapid and severe mood swings. In her late teens it seemed almost impossible to handle any level of stress.

"When I started college in Nacogdoches I was away from home, away from my parents and kind of doing my own thing," Ellsworth said. "I got into drinking, and using drugs recreationally as a way to kind of feel numb."

She put on a smile as a mask to hide her true pain away from her peers. Drugs became her remedy to take away uncontrollable feelings.

"It was a way for me to get out of responsibilities that I didn't know how to deal with," Ellsworth said.  "I didn't know how to deal with life, with the way those mood swings were."

Then came her darkest time. She thought about taking her own life.

"The suicidal thoughts are scary, but you kind of get comfortable with them when you stay there long enough," Ellsworth said.  "Your mind is convincing you it's the best way to go."

Her friends convinced her to get help.

"I guess I had to hit a real rock bottom in order to realize that other people really wanted me to live," Ellsworth said. "When I thought nobody loved me, those friends loved me, and were concerned and worried. They rescued me."

Ellsworth was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2012.

"That kind of answered a lot of questions about how I'd been feeling," Ellsworth said. "How my moods were, and why I had big mood swings."

Now she goes on walks, and colors with adult coloring books in her spare time, which she considers a big help.

"Anything to get that energy channeled somewhere else," Ellsworth said.  "When you can get through that, the world is so much brighter on the other side."

Ellsworth said she volunteers at her church to help others going through tough times.

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